I will start this particular writing with the most intimate truth and that is that I almost didn't write it at all. This is the type of writing that will bless or help anyone who is serious about change; but, it is also the type of writing that can tickle the fancy of those who love to gossip. So, why am I still writing? Because of a true passion to help women attain wholeness and grow in their walk with God, love for self and then for others. It is my desire to help women who don't understand why their relationships aren't or haven't worked thus far and hopefully encourage all women to seek to live their absolute best life right now (either while in a relationship or while preparing for one).
I began 2012 finishing a book entitled "LET LOVE BE... without Hypocrisy" and it is a very good book! Since that writing, I have been challenged to come up higher in my own love walk on every level, with every person. This challenge really began with my love relationship with God. I remember clearly the day I drove to work crying passionately in prayer... I was asking and granting Him permission to do a complete work in me. This heartfelt request has brought me to a place I'd never thought I'd be and yet a place I would never have known to ask for in the natural.
My prayer was sincere, "Lord, make me the woman you originally designed"; "when you look for Debra in this earth, I want you to see the whole woman, doing the exact work that you purposed her for". To get me to this place would require me to be broken, humbled, pruned, and finally put back together. It has been a very difficult; yet necessary, process. It hurt and some of the trials made me wonder if I was losing my mind. Truth is I did lose my mind; and I gained another mind (the mind of Christ). I lost the selfish, self-involved me and gained a softer, more open and most feminine me.
I had never realized how hard, edgy and controlling I'd become in the years that followed my divorce. During those years I went from being a wife to the bread-winner, the manager, the business-owner, the (single) mommy and the boss in every role of my life; including the few relationships that I attempted to have. As I write this, I've realized that it is actually exhausting to BE all of that and that at this moment I am truly enjoying the vulnerability I feel right now as I trust God for His perfect design for me. It appears that I have lost all control and that I am daily awaiting the next instruction from Him. This is a very interesting place to say the least and when it all balls down to it; I see it as preparation for the next stage of my life. He is teaching me how to let go of the reins, not so everything falls apart; rather, that all things may come together perfectly.
I always did believe that God loves all His children equally and that He'd not give me a gift (husband) unless I was able to honor and respect it and all that it represents to me. I now know that is absolutely the truth… why would an all-loving, equality God give me His child for me to abuse it? Instead, He humbled me, softened me and prepared me before He chose to bless me with that "sweet surprise". The “sweet surprise” as I’ve termed my future husband has not yet arrived; yet, the sweetest surprise that I have gained from this season is that of gaining "me" back. Me free from all residue and pain, free of the unreal expectations and cares of what others think… yeah, the me who is totally consumed with being the woman, doing the thing that she was created for. The woman God originally designed.
I love being me; even this me who I'm learning more about every day... this soft, feminine, loving, pure-hearted, FREE and purposed me. 2012 has been the most liberating season of my life… I hope you are living in your most liberated seasons as well. If you're not, I'd venture to say that this is the time to let go of the reins, trust God as never before with your right now, in preparation for your tomorrow.
He knows exactly what you need and when given the opportunity, He will do for you the very thing necessary to get you where you need to be. He is a loving Father who will complete the work He's begun in you... you've only to believe Him, grant permission and relax through the process. :) Breathe in and out, put your hand in His and walk (sometimes blind-folded) into the places He will lead you to. I guarantee that when He's through, you'll be so happy that you gave Him the opportunity to give you back to YOU and to put you back on track to your ultimate purpose. Now it's YOUR choice to walk in it.
God Bless YOU,
Dee
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